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Avatar, Book 1: Establishment
Author: Dark Pen
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(Added on Apr 5, 2004)
(This month 196233 readers) (Total 270467 readers) |
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This story is about a man who becomes an Avatar for a sex goddess. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 29 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
PhallenFoenix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2012 |
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Amazing beyond belief. I follow this story on other sites, and I would highly recommend it to any reader. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
NOOBIT
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2011 |
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I liked books one and two. I have been unable to find any others and would love to read them. I hope these are not the only ones for this story as I am somewhat addicted to this fictional novel. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2011)
- Thanks for the read. There is more is more to the story that has been posted here and there is a 'side story' in the NIS universe. Feel free to contact me and I'll send you the details.
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| Reviewer:
goddess_babbs
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 2, 2008 |
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I loved reading this im new to bdsm and it helped me please my master more and understand my role as a slave cant wait to read more. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
cece3457
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 22, 2008 |
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one of the best on this site! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
virgingirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 13, 2007 |
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I just really like that it has an actual plot and cohesive story. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Elkor
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 28, 2005 |
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This is an excellent story, storyline and writing. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
CrazyMe
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 9, 2005 |
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Well written and with an intelligent plot. Very enjoyable reading. I Spent a lot of time with it and am looking forward to reading the second one. That said, here is a little critism:
The characters tend to be divided a little too strongly into "the good guys" and "the lousy, egocentric guys, who luckily get what they deserve". A bit unrealistic. Also you tend to lash very strongly out at the Christian church and God. The "Jealous God"? I don't want to start a religious discussion, but I think that is more than a little unfair.
Well, good to see even heathens have prejudices - just like everyone else. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (May 10, 2005)
- Glad you liked the story, and thanks for the (mostly) glowing review. The good guys/bad guys might not be so obvious later on.
I don't call what I wrote lashing out at the church. But I certainly don't think that anything I wrote was unfair or unwarrented, so I'll leave you with these paraphrases:
Thou shall not worship any God but me. (Jealous?)
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. (Tolerant?)
and finally,
" Well, good to see even heathens have prejudices - just like everyone else."
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Jan 23, 2009)
- Also remember that God destroyed Sodom and Gommorrah out of jealousy and anger towards Lucifer, who wanted to prove to God that gathering diciples and worshippers wasn't that hard to do. Instead of playing the "All Forgiving God", our main man not only took Lucifer's flying permit, but also destroyed both cities with a nice disregard of everybody in them, bar Lot and his wife, that is.
All those lives destroyed over an escalated wager...
JJ
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 16, 2005 |
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read remakrbly like a recent hit movie (9/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (Apr 16, 2005)
- Really? Which one would that be? The last chapter of this first book was posted, not written, In december of 2004...
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| Reviewer:
DarkMatter80
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 26, 2005 |
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This is absolutely great! Not only does it actually have a plot, it's an enthralling and convincing plot (for a fantasy, anyway ;-)
Well written, very entertaining, and - last but certainly not least - very erotic.
Please keep up the good work! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Juste
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 23, 2005 |
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I Love it, its a great read and its always nice to find a story with a real plot and not random sex thrown together. I hope you plan to keep writing this for some time as i am sure to keep reading it for some time. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
andre123
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 21, 2005 |
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itīs a very interesting and nicely writen storry with the right amount of storry plot in it to make it really interesting. I do hope that there is going to be a whole series of books and others storries of this kind from the author.
Fantastic work! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
John Galt
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 15, 2005 |
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Read it from the beginning and i have to say i am stunned. This is possibly the best read i had for a long time. Its unusual setting makes it different, and allows things normally not possible. Some might not like this, i find it just the right amount. Surely i hope for a second book. And maybe you find someone to print this. I surely would buy a hardcopy. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Pamaj
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2004 |
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I'm impressed. I look forward to read new episodes. Very vivid but still nice dispersed background. And i hope you're going to reveal more about Lea and her kind. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
mackie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2004 |
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I like both the libertine toutch and the kick in the butt that the "official" religions receive here. For the rest is so close to my personal "wet dreams"... (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Davar
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 23, 2004 |
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Verry well written story. Nice fresh plot , every fresh episode makes my day a happy one.
This story is a definite candidate for my personal top 3 of the last 10 years. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
saucy_woodnymph
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 18, 2004 |
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this is by far one of the best stories i have read on this site. there are some grammatical and syntax based errors, but they are easily ironed out with a spell checker and an editor (at which, by the way, i happen to be exceptionally good). my hat is off to You, Dark Pen. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (Oct 18, 2004)
- Thank you for your kind review. I'm glad you like the story. About the editing. It's tough to get a good editor, but in the later chapters I have one -- mostly. Now, if you're offering to edit, by all means, contact me :)
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| Reviewer:
teamster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2004 |
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Liked the concept about reading women's minds etc... as in "What Women Want." Would have liked to see you go further with that. Everybody seems just a little too happy for my taste... I kinda prefer my stories a little more dark and brooding, but that's just me. Still, a well written and plotted tale with something more to it than just fucking and sucking. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (Sep 29, 2004)
- Thanks, but if all you got out of it was something like "what women want" then I'm afraid you sort of missed the point. And there are *reasons* why the people are happy...
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| Reviewer:
ronj
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 22, 2004 |
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A great story, keep it going as long as you can (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
lockeed
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 21, 2004 |
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Very well written story, I cant wait for more! Question, you say this is book one, how many books are there (do you think there will be)? (10/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (Sep 22, 2004)
- Well, there could be a number of books. But I know there will be at least 2 in the series. I have plans for more and the shape of the story will change (more plot, less sex, but still a lot of sex) in Book 2.
Thanks for the review.
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| Reviewer:
Aron Shefield
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 11, 2004 |
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I have read this story with relish. I salute you Darkpen...whoever and wherever you are (10/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (Sep 12, 2004)
- Well thank you for your kind words. They are appreciated. Keep looking here ... there are 50 chapters in Book one!
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| Reviewer:
Gemna
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 8, 2004 |
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The best story of a not published author I have read so far. Nice mixture of scenes and storyline.
I would give a 10 if there were less typos.
I really hope you post new chapters soon.
Edit: Thanks for the new chapters, I really enjoyed them. Good work, less typos too. Adjusted rating to a 10. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Insidious
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 11, 2004 |
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Fantastic. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
LiteSwitch
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 18, 2004 |
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This is the Best Story I have read in a long time its refreshing and could be easly published. Thank you so much and keep up the good work please we need it! PS if I could give this a 20 I would thank you so much for all the work you have done on this story so far. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
TarlCabot
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 16, 2004 |
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It's got plot, character development, excellent grammar and flow, and hot scenes.
(10/10)
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| Reviewer:
shdowrnnr
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 24, 2004 |
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I love the entire concept of the plot. Easily the best story that Dark Pen has done to date. I'm really hoping it continues on. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
DarkPen
(Edit) (May 27, 2004)
- Oh it's continuing - I've been working on chapter 41...
Thanks for the review, although it was Office Games that people have told me they like the best!
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| Reviewer:
MicrowaveOven
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 21, 2004 |
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As chksng19 said, this is quite the intense story. Your storyline I've enjoyed a lot so far, and the story is good. Good job overall so far! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 6, 2004 |
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Emotionally intense story, moves right along. If you can keep that level of passion flowing, lots of people will be voting higher, and I\'ll be back to raise mine.
Anxious for the next section! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 5, 2004 |
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Hard to say from one chapter, but the writing is competent and the story intriguing. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
peachers
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 5, 2004 |
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could become a very nice story keep writing (7/10)
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