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The Standin
Author: Nmdeviant
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(Added on Jun 9, 2015)
(This month 85159 readers) (Total 85159 readers) |
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woman is kidnapped and forced to take the place of a convicted woman |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 15, 2015 |
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First paragraph sets the tone regarding writing skills: three times the word "fortune" and twice "casino".
First "fortune" is okay, second one could/should be replaced with "one" and third "small fortune) could/should be replaced with (for example) "tidy sum/generous amount of money".
Replace the second "casino" in that first paragraph with something like "gambling temple"
Furthermore, the author has the tendency to go into too much detail, explaining things every step of the way. If someone goes to the loo, you don't write "he walked towards the toilet, opened the door and entered, after which he closed the door and walked towards a stall. He opened the door to the stall, went in and closed the door, opened his fly, whipped out his dick and proceeded to piss in the pot", but rather "he went to the toilet to have a piss"; point. Not much more needed to tell us what's going on.
Four for effort, plus one for "originalty", though there's a lot of room for improvement.
JJ (5/10)
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