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The First Time
Author: Liana
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(Added on Nov 20, 2002)
(This month 55053 readers) (Total 65699 readers) |
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A story of a new romantic D/s relationship. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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| 1 |
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67% |
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33% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (4.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
clx01752
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 14, 2004 |
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Excellent , truly romantic. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Cleo671
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 7, 2003 |
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I agree with the reviewer before me.
Don't care what content or 'action' there is between the characters, but if I have to struggle through it and re-read a sentence, then there is no point. Sorry but that's me being honest.
I think that in some cases it's worthwhile to get another person to proofread, or re-read through a draft and if necessary go through to a second draft.
The concept is not too bad and it could have been so much more had the wording been more carefully selected.
(2/10)
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 23, 2002 |
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This is the first sentence:
"Riding on the plane I read and reread the letter from him, it contained his
instructions, the edges were becoming so dog-eared and worn the paper itself was
becoming so thin and it had taken on that softness paper does from over
usage...I carefully folded it again to insert back into the envelope where I
knew I would pull it from to reread before the plane landed."
I almost gave up after that; but I forged onward through a paragraph or so that made sense. And then I got to this:
"I looked at my watch again, it was time, I had calculated the time from the schedule I had been given to the estimated time of arrival from the departure time. Now that time was upon me,"
Time to quit reading, if you ask me.
(2/10)
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