|
|
|
|
|
Lisa's Punishement Enema Training
Author: Robert 39746
|
| |
(Added on Apr 9, 2005)
(This month 108369 readers) (Total 143305 readers) |
| |
Lisa is a hot spoiled brat and needs to be taught more than just a lession. Lisa is kidnapped by a beautifull Mistress and is taken to her estate for very extensive punishment/humiliation enema training. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
71% |
14% |
0% |
14% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Juventino
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 23, 2010 |
| |
Not bad, most people won't notice many of the spelling mistakes.
Second part was too rushed (6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2005 |
| |
where to from here (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 19, 2005 |
| |
I like this. The humiliation/Domination aspects are well developed, and I'd like to see more of that.
However, your writing and grammar could use some work, as could your sense of pacing. The entire scenario seemed rushed; there's no need for speed.
"Speeded" is not a word; SPED is. Your spelling is good, but not perfect, and the same is true for your grammar; proofreading is recommended.
Finally, when you changed viewpoints it threw me for a moment. That sort of change requires at least a full Paragraph change, a chapter heading change would be better.
However, it was both sexy and fun, and You can definitely create great scenarios! (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
slaveneedledick
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 16, 2005 |
| |
The second part was just a run on paragraph making it difficult to read. The story has an excellent foundation to be improved on and I hope to see more. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2005 |
| |
Confusion reigns supreme! The switch of tenses is bad enough, but the editing leaves much to be desired. I gave up counting or even reacting to the typos that abound in this story. Spell check just tells you that the word is spelled correctly, it does not tell you that the word is the correct one to be used. Finally what kind of format is this? You have these gargantuan paragraphs thanks to your rather strange choice of line spacing, and it's darn near impossible to keep your eyes properly focused. All this ultimately gets in the way of my enjoyment of what seems to be a fairly interesting tale featuring punishment enemas. Character development also seems to be as truncated as the story's format, which is another big weakness that must be noted. A tighter job of editing coupled with a change in this dreadful format would make this a much more reader friendly effort. I will check on your next installment to see if you have taken my comments as they are intended, constructive criticism, no more than that. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2005 |
| |
Were did the other slave come from, were did the assistant come from. While I love the subject, whe writer is missing some important details (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jsl123
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 10, 2005 |
| |
Subject matter is "right up my street" (so to speak) and the story has great potential but there is some confusing detail - perhaps sticking to the third person would make it easier to follow. (5/10)
|
|
|
About 