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The State of Grace
Author: Master_Hawk1223
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(Added on Feb 16, 2006)
(This month 22401 readers) (Total 50286 readers) |
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After the second civil war of the US, the country is divided. A young girl gets in trouble with the law and is sentenced to 6 years at a prison camp but is offered a way to shorten her sentence. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
DarkPen
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 5, 2006 |
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Good story. Like the plot and it's a fun read. Technically, there are a few places that an editor could help out, but there's no problem with either the length or the subplots. Certainly, there aren't that many sub plots going on.
I'm sure people will be unhappy with the opening which stated why there was a second Civil war. Too bad. Unfortunately, it's a perfectly plausable excuse that gets more plausable all the time. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
slv_bea
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 5, 2006 |
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Hello Sir, my Master told me to review your story. He thinks it is a very enjoyable one. But with your last part he isn't content, you are losing the tension, he says. So he would be glad to read more and find you back on the way of humiliation and pain.
slave bea (8/10)
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- Replied by:
MasterHawk1223
(Edit) (Mar 5, 2006)
- I thank you for the comment. The tension and pain will be brought back up. One thing that I am trying for in this story is a rollercoaster of emotion.
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| Reviewer:
Mercury1957
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 24, 2006 |
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A very enjoyable story. I'm looking forward to reading more of it. I don't think you should worry about the length. Some of the longest stories in here are among the best. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
chooky_104
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 17, 2006 |
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I liked it. It has all the ingredients to make a great story that is easy to read.
The sub plots only added to the whole scenario and the potential for the story to move in different directions.
Some of the reviewers on this site take themselves far too seriously.
Enjoy your writing, one piece of advice, don't make the story too long, the novelty wears off after too many chapters.. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
C_Lakewood
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 17, 2006 |
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There are far too many potential sub-plots
that merely take up some space, but ultimately
go nowhere and are abandoned. Under the
circumstances, these are pointless and merely
bog the story down. This story (which does not
seem to be over YET) could have been told more
effectively in far fewer words. It needs an
editor. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
MasterHawk1223
(Edit) (Feb 17, 2006)
- The story is not over yet. I started writing this as a short story and it grew. I am up to chapter 15. There is more already written, just wanted to get a review on the first part before I added the next part. In later chapters, some of the sub-plots do come into play. Thank you for your review.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 16, 2006 |
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interesting review, i did not care for the civil war time frame but i loved the story (9/10)
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- Replied by:
MasterHawk1223
(Edit) (Feb 16, 2006)
- Remember, it is the SECOND civil war (in the future)
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