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Field Horse Slave
Author: David l
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(Added on Mar 28, 2006)
(This month 95896 readers) (Total 131864 readers) |
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A beautiful woman is used for horse labor by her lesbian owners. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
dnotned
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 29, 2010 |
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Enjoyable -- (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 31, 2006 |
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I tend to agree with others who believe that this tale has promise. However, there were signifigant troubles with this tale. First, the amount of punishment the girl received would have probably killed her - she certainly would not have been beautiful. Also, I felt as if the story was rushed out - it certainly was not given a proper edit/spell check. How many times were the words "tit-chain" and "tit-ring" repeated? So often it was annoying. Given a little time to sit on this tale to flesh it out I think this tale could be pretty good. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
texswim
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 30, 2006 |
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Love the story but agree with many of the comments so far. A little bit more about the feelings of pain and suffering and more from the slaves point of view would be helpful. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
mickydoughty
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 29, 2006 |
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As the other reviewers have said this is the basis for what could be a very good story. The author seems to have some great ideas for plots, but it needs padding out, "some meat on the bare bones" that he is writing. Also i would agree, I to like the whipping scenes but unless you want to kill your character in the first paragragh I would reduce the number of strokes. Some thoughts about the characters and how they got into this sitaution and why, would help the reader carry on reading. Keep on writing, as I see that is a development on your other stories which were half the size. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
sheilagirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 29, 2006 |
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I really liked what you wrote but I too think it should have a beginning and ultimately an end. If you do more installments (and I sincerely hope you do) you could perhaps introduce some flashbacks or perhaps some of the <<horse's>> reflections. The impersonal part, the branding, etc. does impart a chilling tale of abuse though, and I became thoroughly aroused reading it. I personally love the pony/plowgirl fantasy in so many ways.
In reality I don't think anyone could survive a 100 lashes with a bullwhip even one time, let alone the nailing. It would rip the flesh to shreds and leave horrible scarring at the very least if it were done with any intensity at all. It's an extremely brutal story as you intended it to be, I know, but you gotta leave your character in one piece if you're expecting any marketable value out of her. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
maitre
(Edit) (Mar 29, 2006)
- Thank you for your excellent review with which I agree. The first part of this story was developed by PAUL for BDSMartwork and he titled it BABYSITTER adding some background text.
This was my fourth submittal to BDSM LIBRARY and I wish to take this opportunity to thank all the other reviewers both past, present and future. My future works will certainly benefit from these reviews.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 29, 2006 |
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was worth reading but i expect more detail and more about the women (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
petleah
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 28, 2006 |
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Along with history, more detail would go a long way to improve the overall story. Flesh it out (no pun intended :-P ) Don't worry so much about the passing of time as much as enjoying a single moment in time. A slow and thorough tale is almost always preferred over a sprint through the page. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 28, 2006 |
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This story is so impersonal! Why and how is the girl there? What is her story. Give some kind of background on your characters. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Katerr
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 28, 2006 |
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More elaborated than former stories, but can still be more explicit. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
woolfighter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 28, 2006 |
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Sorry for not rating you higher, but it is to impersonal. "the blonde woman" she had a name a history , tell us about her... (6/10)
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