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The Family Slave
Author: Thunder
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(Added on Apr 27, 2006)
(This month 185992 readers) (Total 251019 readers) |
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Lisa has had dreams her whole life of becoming the family slave. She finally gets her wish. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 18 |
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11% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Yinx001
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 31, 2011 |
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i love it. more please (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Blaklege
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 30, 2008 |
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i agree with "maid sue" & "takarada", More More please THUNDER. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
maid sue
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2008 |
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i want to be Lisa can not wait to read the next part with the dog should be interesting keep it up Thunder (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
aros_dk
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 23, 2006 |
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More give us more...looking forward to see how the father and brother will handle her... looking for some spanking, bondage, enema and a weekend only with the brother...please keep writing (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
KSCouple4SLV
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 20, 2006 |
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Nice start but I would break up the long paragraphs. Makes it a little tough to read. Other then that, it could become an good story worth reading. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
slaveneedledick
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 20, 2006 |
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Spell check and grammer checks would help. The second chapter was better then the first. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
steevi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 3, 2006 |
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i love the humiliation (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
bondage_man69
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 9, 2006 |
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I won't bother commenting on the poor spelling and grammar, but I will quote something from the story that I find astounding, " Most of that weight was in her breast." she has only 1 tit???? (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 29, 2006 |
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Nice start, but there need to be more than one paragraph. I will wait for other chapters before raising my rating (5/10)
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- Replied by:
SEVERUSMAX
(Edit) (Apr 30, 2006)
- I concur about the long paragraphs, but I do think that this story has potential in the long term. I hope that future chapters will be better written.
- Replied by:
SEVERUSMAX
(Edit) (Apr 30, 2006)
- I concur about the long paragraphs, but I do think that this story has potential in the long term. I hope that future chapters will be better written.
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| Reviewer:
peachy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2006 |
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I like the story, it has potential.
Please consider the comments then it'll be a wonderful read and deserve much higher rating
(8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rocky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2006 |
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A rather tired premise, and not very imaginative so far. Reasonable writing skills, but again, not very descriptive. Regarding these two issues, I'd suggest you go back and work on developing the characters a bit more - tell us what they're thinking, etc. Aside from that, a proofreader would help a lot. The lack of paragraphs really made it difficult for me to follow. Remember that generally, when a person begins speaking, you begin a paragraph. To have three or four people all talking in the same paragraph makes for a difficult read. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
sheilagirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2006 |
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Starting out, this story has great potential to rank much higher with me. I'm anxious to see succeeding chapters. Keep up the good work. Don't be discouraged by negative reviewers, just take it all to heart and make it better. We all enjoy great stories and you have something going that can very well become that. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2006 |
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A single recurring error I noted: When you hit someone, they get a "welt" not a "whelp". A whelp is a young creature, usually a human child.
That aside, lots of possibility to go with this premise and run with it. A fine start! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
kraemder
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2006 |
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Read like a 1st draft I guess but damn I liked it! I liked the premise. And I loved the theme. And I loved the title most of all =D. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
nmsubtofem1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2006 |
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Some grammer and spelling errors ... but the story is HOT! Especially with a red head.
Keep writing ... I'm very interested in seeing more! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2006 |
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This tale definately needs work. First, the premise is not an easy one to sell and the author failed to sell it - didn't even try, really. This is the main reason for my low rating. After all, the entirety of a story is based on the readers willingness to buy the premise. I never bought the premise and that made the rest of the story seem ludicrous.
Another difficulty was the sloppy construction. It's not enough to put a story through a spell checker, one must also review it and make sure their character is keeping a "diary" and not a "dairy". Had the errors been restricted to that it would not be so bad. However, this tale was littered with similar mistakes. Finally, I want to know what happened to paragraphs? (4/10)
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