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Terrorized Family Of Five
Author: ynyn
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(Added on Oct 5, 2006)
(This month 54282 readers) (Total 70612 readers) |
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Vigilante border patrollmen descend on a family of illegals. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2006 |
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The mechanics of writing are there; the story is grammatically good. The theme of the plot is clear and borne out with the story.
The problem, as others have said, was the story's pacing. There is no suspense, no drawing out of the events to make the reader excited. More delving into the characters thoughts, both good and bad, would help readers get into the story and increase the score. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2006 |
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A really good concept, and good technical writing skills. More showing and less telling would be nice (less "the ___ did ___" and more descriptive words). The start was also a bit slow, I would have preferred an introduction of characters rather than a dry discourse on politics, or just start with action right away (maybe as they pound on the door to enter). All in all, it could use work but has a lot of potential (and much redeeming value!) (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
DAF
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 5, 2006 |
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This was a hard read but I find it even harder to write a review as I look for redeeming value. Poorly written wtih an absence of detail that had me wishng it was shorter. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 5, 2006 |
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it seems to me the story was rushed, no detail at all, the writing was fair, in terms of quality and idea, i liked the genenral theme but the story came across as if it was a rush job to geti t posted (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
badcatholicgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 5, 2006 |
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lack some details, its a hard story, esp if your not using any spanish, with sub types. more detail in the sex act would of been nice. hope you improve and keep writing, some promise (5/10)
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