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My First Christmas in Slavery
Author: Peter de Sade
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(Added on Dec 8, 2006)
(This month 19498 readers) (Total 38030 readers) |
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It was the first Christmas for Debbee as a slave girl to her cruel master. When she received some BDSM presents from her master she was pleased, but when she was forced to be a fairy on the Christmas tree things became much nastier for the young girl. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Mothbrad
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 16, 2007 |
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Lots of cruel, often unrealistic tortures and abuses - and plenty to keep me interested right to the end. I found some of the phrases that the narrator used to demonstrate her growing realisation of her degradation. (example: "My dreams of being a pretty Christmas fairy were over")
Peter has a good eye for detail, and a good ear for the sort of rambling language that teen girls use. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 11, 2006 |
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The premise has potential and you can write but...
I'm only saying this to help you out as a writer. This is your second story with the same problem, Its too long for what it is. Too many repetitions of the same details from different perspectives. Yes it's brutal, sometimes senselessly brutal, but that isn't a problem on this site. Your problem is trying to pare down your writing by half or more. Editing is more than correcting grammar and punctuation, It's focusing the story to make it easier for your readers to follow.
(6/10)
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| Reviewer:
ponytrainer12
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 9, 2006 |
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Liked the setting of the stage very much. It tended to be a little long though. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
cala
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 9, 2006 |
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I was unable to finish reading this story - it's too boring. It reads more like a personal fantasy than a story written for the entertainment of others. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
fred_plm
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 9, 2006 |
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poor, no 'feeling' (4/10)
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