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Jennifer
Author: A.Broadsword
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(Added on Jun 7, 2008)
(This month 72400 readers) (Total 102010 readers) |
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jennifer gets her degree and starts work for big corporation but feels undervalued. The company put her on a program to revise her self esteem.Very slow starting. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2014 |
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(Feb 15, 2009) It's a real shame this great idea was written to shambles. The dialoguies seem to have been chopped-up, there's no explanation of what's going on, and when there is, it's incomplete.
In-between the debris, there's a great story. I feel that the author, now that he has progressed somewhat, should redo this story from the start and repost it, because I really wouls like to know how it all ends.
*EDIT*
Went from 6 to 8 thanks to the revision of the first two parts which make much more sense to me now...
JJ (8/10)
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- Replied by:
a.broadsword
(Edit) (Feb 21, 2009)
- I could never work out where it was going either so I have revised certain sections and re submitted it and I am working on an additional chapter, chapter three.
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Nov 21, 2014)
- Not a communist, but sometimes things turn into five-year plans with me.
First parts are way better than I remember. Maybe I should re-read all your earlier writings and see if it was you who became better or me who changed my attitude towards what you wrote/write.
It probably is a bit of both.
Last part you added is completely different in tone than the first two parts. Still I'd like to see what comes next, if you would still be interested to add more content...
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| Reviewer:
Boundtowrite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 10, 2008 |
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I really did try to read the full story. However, both times I just stopped. It has some interesting ideas thus some potential.
The awkward layout, the way the dialogues are written, the almost staccatostyle of these dialogues, well, they just kill the fun - and that's what reading a story is all about.
Perhaps the autor could ask some assistence on the forum because as said before, the story has potential. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Falcon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 9, 2008 |
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There are some very interesting aspects to the setup for this story. I liked the way Jennifer's boundaries kept being encroached upon (inch by inch) by the big bad corporation. The story was weakened, however, by the fact that Jennifer was too much of a pushover. Makes little sense that she would give in to all this without a fight. Also room for improvement on grammar and sentence structures. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
a.broadsword
(Edit) (Feb 21, 2009)
- I re edited and re submitted Jennifer, and introduced a hopefully plausible reason for her rapid capitulation,
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| Reviewer:
SimonMagick
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 9, 2008 |
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I like what you write, alot. that said, I take it English is not your first language. There are spelling and grammer errors all over the place, but I still give it a high rating, because it gives it a wacky charm.
Lines like; '"Stick it in me now," screamed her crotch' are hilarious, even while the action is humiliation at its most extreme.
Keep up the good work.
(8/10)
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