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No More Lies
Author: Carlos
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(Added on May 25, 2010)
(This month 63891 readers) (Total 86069 readers) |
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Victoria betrays her married lover because she feels unappreciated. She lies to preserve their relationship. When Carlos finally has proof that she is a lier, she manges to enslave him and make him suffer only like a scorned and cruel woman can.. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
robertahunt
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 27, 2010 |
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Good setup, let's see how it develops! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
XNeedUX
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 27, 2010 |
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Nice job (10/10)
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- Replied by:
carlosm
(Edit) (May 27, 2010)
- Thank you. I am glad that you enjoyed it
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| Reviewer:
DomBob
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2010 |
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Way too much bouncing around and I get lost trying to understand did things go on for days or years? Several paragraphs could be removed without affecting the story. (It is almost like too-much back story too soon.)
I also do not feel that the first-person author is really a submissive with statements like "I decided to end the relationship". He should be more ... tentative and over-whelmed. Instead of whining about his needs not being met, it would be better if Victoria subjects him to more and more abuse because he wont leave his family for her.
The scene details gets mixed in huge paragraphs that dont give me any feel for Victoria, whats going on, etc. Many spelling errors add to the confusion. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
kinkcrazy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2010 |
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Needs work on the grammar and also on transitions from one scene to the next (7/10)
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