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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (8/10) |
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Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
DeGrinch
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 19, 2010 |
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Speaking of plagarism I think I've read this before somewhere. Was it posted to another site, or here under another name? Although all that JJ said is true, keep in mind that this isn't a great literature site, and I would like to see more of the story or others like it. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Sophia Dawning
(Edit) (Oct 19, 2010)
- lol. it was posted here. by me. it is my own creation and intellectual property. the site had a malfunction and is in the process of reposting everything that was lost in the crash. after i posted this one, i wrote another that i also posted. it has yet to be restored. thank you for your review and interest. and continue to keep your eyes peeled for those scalawags who might want to steal my thoughts. eek!
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 12, 2010 |
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While the writing is above par, also thanks to the solid dialogue, I feel that the set-up is on the thinnish side, with the supposed plagiarism and some such. You need a serious lever to hang a blackmail story on. The lever used in this here story wouldn't hold a summer coat. That's how thin the set-up is.
Another thing that went on my jollies is that we're once more confronted with a goil who's uttering that dreadful "I'll do anything you ask" line I've come to fear in BDSM stories. And a professor (who doesn't seem to have a name) who is way too eager to be called 'master'. Yuk.
The biggest problem is that we step from an everyday situation at school, right into a BDSM story --with all its clichés and silly language-- without any form of transition. It happens a lot, because the author has her mind set on the BDSM situation, actually builds the story around that idea, and thus in one-two-three ends up where she wanted to be all along.
Sadly, when writing like this --from a predispositioned mindset and prefabricated characters who were made 'master & slave' even before the story took off-- there's little else to do than to get to the juicy parts. That's also why the premise is too thin, because that was just added to get to those juicy parts.
Sophia dawson should try and work the other way round. Start with pondering over a plot. A set-up. And from there work to certain situations which lead to a face to face and a few BDSM shenanigans. Would make the story so much 'better'. Because Sophia's writing is solid enough to do so.
Okay story from what seems to be a promising author.
JJ
Replied by Sophia Dawning (Aug 14, 2010)
Thanks for your response. Though I've written quite a lot, this is my first foray into this particular genre. I'd like to call it erotica, but I know I'm no Nin. Also, thanks for your construtive criticism. You make good points and I will take it under advisement. I'm not sure if this piece is revisable, but, if not, I will keep this in mind when I next try my hand. And thanks for the compliments as well. :)
Replied by JimmyJump (Aug 15, 2010)
Thanks for the reply to my 'review', Sophia. And no, you're not Anaïs. You're Sophia Dawning, which is more than enough for now.
Enough to the point you have me wondering what your 'other' stories read like...
JJ (8/10)
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