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He, she and them
Author: Steve Knight
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(Added on Jan 8, 2012)
(This month 52187 readers) (Total 59220 readers) |
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a strange couple entertain a strange gentleman |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 8, 2012 |
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The story may sound promising, the writing alas suffers from a lack of properly naming the characters.
When "Both attendants then left the room to return moments later, one on either side of her, guiding her with a hand on each upper arm" we the readers have no clue as to who exactly the "her" is, nor do we have but the faintest idea how a duo was magically converted into a trio.
Steve Knight came up with a more than decent intro of what should become at least an entertaining story, but don't let the entertainment consist of us guessing who you are talking about or of second-guessing continuity...
JJ (7/10)
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- Replied by:
SirStef
(Edit) (Jan 23, 2012)
- this is my first writing, so please bear with me. It had been my intention to make it clear that there are four characters in this story: a distinguished older gentleman, a couple (man and woman) who occupy the big old house and are able to entertain the gentleman's unique tastes, and a woman, the essential component in the entertainment. My apologies for any confusion.
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Jan 24, 2012)
- No need to apologise, SirStef, because the writing IS good. Better than good, even.
It's just that, since you know who you are talking about -because you "see" the characters in your head while writing- you tend to forget to name them in the text, which indeed leads to confusion.
Other than that (and the confusion over other characters appearing out of thin air because of a slight discontinuity -if the latter is a word) the story is solid and -like I said- the writing is very good.
Regards,
JJ
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| Reviewer:
himannv
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 8, 2012 |
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Fabulous start to what seems like a good story. Really enjoyed the short beginning and it was really well written. The only reason I'm hesitant to give it a 10 is because I'm curious to see the rest of it first. Great job so far and I hope you continue it. (9/10)
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