THINGS MY FUTURE HUSBAND WILL DO IF HE REALLY LOVES ME:

 

    * Get a boner when he sees me crying.

 

    * Make me stay awake and suck his dick all night while he sleeps.

 

* Make me hitchhike naked.

 

    * Cut my vocal cords.

 

    * Handcuff me to the living room sofa, deny me food and water for two days, eat pizza and beer in front of me with another woman, then turn off the lights, leave me in the dark, and take her into the bedroom.

 

    * Whenever he brings his friends over to watch the football game, make me sit on top of the set naked with my legs open so they can look at my cunt if they get tired of the game and throw beer cans at me when the other team scores.

 

    * Inject hot water into my vulva so it becomes swollen and red, take pictures of me while I'm in pain, and post them on the internet with my cell phone number.

 

    * Make a rule that I never look at any other part of his body but his dick.

 

    * Handcuff my hands behind my back, bend me over the edge of the bathtub naked, and fuck me from behind. As incentive for me to make my pussy muscle tight, hold my head underwater and not let me breathe until he cums.

 

    * Strip me and throw me out into the snow nude, lock the door, masturbate while looking at me through the window huddled and shivering, and not let me back in until he cums.

 

    * Pierce rings through my breasts deep behind my nipples, handcuff my hands behind my back, attach me to hooks in the wall so I dare not fall asleep, and make me stand like that for a week.

 

    * Handcuff me, put bare wires in my ass, then plug it in because it makes my cunt tight and he likes to hear me scream when he fucks me.

 

    * Keep me bound and gagged in a plexiglass box in the living room as a coffee table. Put two holes in it for my tits to stick up through, and use them to put cigarettes out on so as not to dirty the ashtray.

 

    * Before I get in bed every night, make me get on my knees and say a prayer to his dick: praising it's glory, thanking it for what it's about to do to me, and begging it to be merciful tonight.

 

    * Buy a ground-level apartment in the city, stick my head through a hole in the wall so I can be seen by everyone walking by on the sidewalk , brace my mouth open, and put a sign over my head for that says "public urinal".

 

    * Tie me naked to the hood of his car with my legs spread open and drive through a city at noon honking the horn.

 

    * Leave me overnight with a sadist just released from prison and give him $100 and the instructions: "torture her in ways that I could never bring myself to do and return her the next day with a video of it".

 

    * Make me walk back and forth in Las Vegas wearing panties and a bra selling my pussy for $500, and when the men are done, refuse their money "because you fucked me so good".

 

    * Handcuff me, rub lighter fluid on my vulva, light it on fire, and fuck me in my ass while I scream with pleasure.

 

    * Make me go to a biker convention wearing nothing but a T-shirt that says "Bikers are Fags!"

 

    * Tie me naked with my legs spread facing a TV camera broadcasting on the internet and leave me there all day while he goes to work and watches me from his desk.

 

    * March me under a bridge, handcuff me to a case of cheap wine, pull down my pants, leave me with the angry old drunks, and drive away laughing about it.

 

    * Buy a decibel meter from Radio Shack and hold an all-day contest for his friends to see who can make me scream the loudest.

 

    * Let his five nephews in their early teens fuck me as sex education while I’m blindfolded.

 

    * Keep me on the edge of starvation and feed me nothing but men's cum.

 

    * Have me fill my cunt with strawberries and whipped cream and lie on the dinner table on my back with my legs open, eat them from me with a long wooden spoon, beat me with the spoon, then tell me to go away.

 

    * Tie me to a picnic table in the back yard when it's snowing, dump a bucket of cold water on me, wait five minutes, then dump a bucket of scalding water on me too.

 

    * Drug my food, and when I pass out on the sofa watching TV, strip me, stuff me in the car trunk, drive me out in the country, and dump me naked on the side of the road at 3 A.M. so when I wake up I'll have no idea where I am, how I got there, or how to get home.

 

    * Cut off my toes and sell them on ebay for a dollar each as "fake novelty toes"  and not give me any of the money.

 

    * Make me take off all my clothes and curl up in the oven.  Chain it shut, cook me, and watch me beg for mercy through the little window.

 

    * Amputate my arms and legs and keep me stored blindfolded, gagged, and hanging in a closet by my hair until he wants to use me again.

 

    * Entomb me naked in a solid block of lucite so I can't move even a finger, have a tube coming in for air and water and drill a small drain hole at the bottom, and leave me in his living room so he and his friends and his new girlfriend can watch me starve to death over a period of months while I stare back at them.  When I'm dead, seal up the two holes in the lucite block and leave me there as "art".

 

    * Strangle me while he cums into my ass, fuck me after I'm dead, cook my leg, arm, and ass muscles on his grill, mount my head on the wall in his bedroom with the mouth open, throw the rest in a dumpster, and find a new girlfriend who uses the head as an ashtray.

 

Ohhh GOD, that is SO romantic!!

 

I have to go masturbate now....

 

--- "Techno" Faye Kane, homeless bumstress and smartmouth smartass smartypants

 

They call me the recursively enumerated, insufficiently remunerated, double data-rated, triple X-rated, psychoactive, hyperactive, hyperbolic, hypergolic, St. Vitus' dancin', pull down her pants and underemployed, overjoyed, low-class, kiss-my-ass, masterpiece-makin', masturbatin', window ledge over-the-edge, screwy, chiral, downward-spiral, ass upended, fair-weather-friended, titty-peek girl geek.

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ã 2007 Faye Kane. Note that my real last name is spelled slightly differently.  Permission expressly granted to use this work to masturbate with.  Post it wherever; like my body, you can do anything you want with it.  fayekanegallery@hotmail.com